We Need to Talk
by TheDrunkenWerewolf
Summary: Aizen finally talks to Gin about what happened in the forest, grand fisher, and its unseen impact. Heirverse Phase 3. Takes places several years after Grand Fisher (dropping december 1st 2019).


Summary - Aizen finally talks to Gin about what happened in the forest, grand fisher, and its unseen impact. Heirverse Phase 3. Takes places several years after Grand Fisher (dropping december 1st 2019).

Business: I own heir verse and voice though some days I wish I did not. Consider this verse canon til I find any discrepencies or get called out on it "not fitting with rest of established series canon" a la Original 2009 Heir. (I've combed through my stuff and I'm 98 percent sure but I'm self doubting a lot right now and probably will be for the forseeable).

Wordcount: 1760

a/n- for Cat, currently doing her waiting for Fisher. Who's been here for anything and everything specimen F related which has meant so much for reasons I won't go into here. Who i know will read this :) And who HAS the Fisher context needed to understand this piece, or at least some of the context. (I've been very tight lipped. And well hydrated avoiding spoilers). I can't write... the rest of this without spoiling a lot more because Fisher embargo. But just imagine them having an emotional talk at the end. I hope you enjoy :)

Notes- this takes place several years after Sousuke's bad encounter with grand fisher, [After my other piece 'Home' in timeline] when he's hiding after he faked his death and killed C46. emotional fluff with a dose of nightmare fuel and hollow related violence/gore. Because it's me. And I am the bastard that wrote Decimated. And just a bastard in general.

* * *

"_Speaking of things robs them of half their terrors."  
― Ivy Compton-Burnett, [Manservant and Maidservant]_

**We Need To Talk**

His sleep was fitful. Plagued with nightmares. The first time he'd fallen asleep with Gin in here, he thought that was the end of them. That he'd been given a reprieve. But reality intervened again and proved that wasn't the case.

It seemed his subconscious was determined to remember all of the worst times of his life. But tonight it was Grand Fisher that took center stage, mocking and cackling, grinning that sinister grin that STILL managed to make him feel like ants were crawling all over his skin.

Things happened exactly as they had in real life. Right up until the point Gin had come crashing through the trees to rescue him. In this version though, there was no Gin. Nobody to save him as the Fisherman loomed over him, chuckling while the voice in his head cackled like a maniac as he got hacked to pieces and swallowed. Eaten alive. Bones crunching. Muscles tearing. With no one to hear him scream in agony. The construct the hollow had conjured of Gin quietly watching with a smirk on its face... and the soundtrack of the voice just laughing and laughing...

He woke with a start, body jerking to sit bolt upright, taut as a wire. Heart thundering in his chest and sweat drenching his body, making his clothes stick to him. Ready to fight or fly if anything came for him. Or Gin, fast asleep beside him.

His eyes warily scanned the darkness around him. Waiting for those red eyes to blink open and that masked face to grin at him even here. Even in the Central 46 chambers. It wouldn't surprise him if the thing _did_ appear. They hadn't killed it before after all, only injured it. For all he knew it was still alive, still lurking, still waiting, still watching him. Waiting for the perfect moment to swallow him whole...

He shook his head. _Now you're being paranoid,_ he told himself. _There's only one entrance to this place and if anything came in we'd hear it. _

He eyed the door. Resisting the immense urges to get up, triple check the locks and reinforce the kidou barriers. Instead focusing on getting his breathing back under control and calming his erratic heartbeat. After a few deep breaths had fixed that problem and he was assured - somewhat - that there was nothing that could hurt them here, he slowly let his shoulders relax. Let the tension flow out of his body.

He sighed and covered his face with his hand. Another nightmare. Not the first and certainly not the last. He drew in a deep, shaky breath, not wanting to look around him at the decomposing bodies of the Central 46 members. The forty-six people he'd killed. Butchered like trapped cattle. You'd think his nightmares would feature reanimations of their corpses, but no. It was Grand Fisher.

It always seemed to be Grand Fisher.

He dragged his hand down his face, feeling exhausted. It made sense, Grand Fisher haunting his dreamscape. That was the point everything changed for him, after all. The point everything started going to shit. When the voice found the leverage it was looking for and he'd lost that game spectacularly. Pride before a fall indeed. Gin had to come running in to save him, and take his sorry, shaken, beaten up ass home. Where he spent the night holding onto Gin like everyone in the three worlds were trying to wrench him away.

It didn't take very long for him to realise just how royally, epically fucked he was after that.

He should have come clean when he realised that. Told Gin everything. Screw the consequences and screw the goddamn voice. He should've told Gin the danger he'd be in if he stayed.

But he hadn't. Instead, he'd let the voice win, taken the cowards way out of his marriage, and bottled it all up til it exploded in his face.

He'd done what he always did.

Lied.

Like he always had.

Lied about everything.

Lied to Gin.

Lied to himself.

He decided it was time he stopped. Or at the very least stopped pretending he was fine when he wasn't. That that day in the forest hadn't affected him. Hadn't set him on a self-destructive path. Or just a destructive path.

Because lying very nearly destroyed them both as a result. And he realised he didn't want to relive that experience.

It was time to come clean. Tell Gin everything. He deserved to know it, and never asked for much outside of his love and loyalty, and they were going to start fresh anyway. And maybe it would lighten the load on his shoulders, too. Make it stop eating away at him. Let him stop carrying it all around inside him. Or if not stop it, at least lessen it. That's what relationships were supposed to be about, right? Sharing problems. Talking about things.

And Gin had said if he ever wanted to talk about it, he'd listen.

He might have been... ten... twelve years too late but... better late than never, right.

Right?

He moved to wake Gin, but stopped mid-reach. Part of him still hesitated. Fear, he supposed. Because of course he was afraid. He'd kept the secret for over a decade. Lying was so easy, and honesty so hard. It wasn't something that came naturally to him, and old habits were hard to break. But Gin had already seen his worst and decided to stay anyway. There was nothing left to be afraid of, at least that's what the rational part of him knew. Nothing left to fear, only what he'd lost from not sharing. And he'd already lost... _so much_ by not sharing his burdens. The things that kept him awake at night.

So much time, so much intimacy, so much love.

It was time he started sharing.

He just hoped he wouldn't be judged for it when he did.

He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, somehow sweating more now than he had when he'd woken from the nightmare. The cold fear clawing at his insides. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

_Time to be brave I suppose. _

"Gin?" he called softly. Trying to keep the tense edge out of his voice, though of course it crept in anyway.

"Mmm," Gin groaned softly and rolled over, eyes opening at the sound of his lover's voice as he rolled over to face him. "Sou? You okay?"

He didn't have to bite back the urge to laugh and feign pretence because there was none. He was far too tired to do that anymore. And he figured it was safe to put down his armour since it was just Gin here. "I'm..." he sighed. "Not."

"Oh."

He watched Gin's expression morph into one of concern as the younger man sat up. "Nightmare?"

Sousuke nodded, not quite trusting his voice to not sound needy and pathetic. "Can we talk? There's a..." he took another deep breath and braced again. "Lot I want to get off my chest."

He tried to ignore the way Gin's uneasiness spread into the air around them. Not that he blamed gin at all. He'd basically said the four dreaded words: we need to talk. Enough to strike fear into the heart of anyone with anxiety as high as his fox.

"About me?" Gin asked, and instantly Sousuke was there with reassurances.

"No," he said, carefully wrapping his arms around his Gin and pulling him close. "No, it's nothing to do with you. It's about... the nightmare."

Gin relaxed against him, relief filling the air. "Oh..." Gin sighed. Releasing a breath he'd been holding and returning the embrace. "Okay. Sure, we can talk. We should probably lie down though."

He smiled "Good idea," and the two of them got comfortable on the futon, Sousuke lying on his back and Gin assuming the position with his head on his lover's chest.

"So what ya wanna talk about?" Gin asked after a few moments of quiet had passed. And Sousuke braced himself. Trying not to let it tense up his body. But he probably failed at that, too. Like he failed at everything.

Aizen released a shaky, uneven breath, and began. "You said..." he paused. Swallowed. His mouth so incredibly dry. The air thick. Heavy. Dense.

Gin waited. Saying nothing. Not pushing. Not prodding for answers while he gathered his thoughts and screwed together what little courage he had. When it felt safe enough, he continued.

"You said before, if I ever wanted to talk about what happened..." his voice faltered a little. "...in the forest... you'd listen?"

Gin remained silent for a moment and he watched his fox's face carefully. Waited for judgement that might still come. To be told that was ages ago. That he should be over it by now. To get a grip, suck it up, 'you've faced worse than that, we both have'.

But it never came.

"Yeah." Gin told him gently instead. "I said that."

Aizen inhaled another deep, shaky breath, feeling his hands start trembling slightly. "I'm ready to talk now."

He let the silence around them breathe. And Gin snuggled down further, nuzzling closer to him. As close as physically possible while with clothes on. And Aizen held his breath for a moment. But Gin just smiled, waiting. "'kay. I'm listening." Gin told him. "Whatever ya wanna say, I'm here for ya."

Sousuke... wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. But there was nothing like what the voice had been telling him there'd be for the past century. There was not an ounce of it. There was no judgement. No laughing. Just... a quiet acceptance. And wasn't that what he'd been craving for the longest time? Acceptance? To be accepted wholly and fully for the broken person he was instead of who he'd been pretending to be?

He had to admit a part of him was astounded. Though he really shouldn't have been. Again old habits and expectations. But if gin was willing to lie with him and listen, and not judge, not ridicule, he was going to make the most of it. Make up for all the lost time, while he still could.

He inhaled a lungful of air, breathing deep and slow, and released it just as slowly. Along with the chestful of anxiety he'd been carrying around for gods only knew how long. And because he felt safe to do so, he started talking about what happened that day in the forest.


End file.
